.:IF JEHOVAH HATES HOMOSEXUALS, WHY DID HE CREATE ME THIS WAY?
“I have always wondered why Jehovah dislikes homosexuals. At an early age, I knew I was different from others. I have had these feelings since I was five years old. Believe me, I did not choose to be this way. I was teased and harassed about this all the way through school, so why would anyone want to be gay? Since Jehovah created me this way, why would He hate me? Currently, I am a transvestite and in a few months, I plan to have surgery to change my sex. My parents who are Jehovah’s Witnesses do not agree with my choice, but I feel that changing my gender is the only way I can deal with these feelings and feel accepted. I love Jehovah God, but I need to get a new and real life. Can you help me?”
My name is Kevin. I know what you are going through. I was once where you are now. I too grew up feeling different and was teased and harassed a lot at school with kids telling me that I was feminine and calling me a “faggot.” So, I know what you are talking about and how you “did not choose to be this way.” I didn’t choose to be a homosexual either, but that is what I was until I was delivered from it.
You asked why Jehovah dislikes homosexuals if He created them. First of all, let me say that Jehovah God LOVES you as the man that He created you to be. He created you a man for a reason, and He expects you to fulfill the gender role that he made you. Your maleness goes deep into the core of your being and penetrates far beyond your surface appearance. But right now, there is a lot of confusion inside of you and a lot of animosity toward yourself and others, and even God. You don’t have to be afraid to admit your anger toward God, because Jehovah LOVES you and He knows everything about you. There are no hidden secrets with Him. As the Scripture says you are, “fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) Jehovah doesn’t make any mistakes.
At this stage, I would not pursue a gender change because when I was a homosexual and considering a sex change for myself, I personally knew of several men that were sorry they had their gender changed because it didn’t really change their core being into a female. Living as transgenders, they began to feel that something wasn’t right and many ended up committing suicide. Thankfully, one guy I know who had regretted his gender change, didn’t commit suicide, but was able to go back and have surgery again to convert his organs back into being male. The doctors had to give him a lot of hormone shots in addition to the surgery, but the change DID take place.
Eventually, he even found himself a wife and got out of the lifestyle completely. God changed him as He did me, so I know that Jehovah did not make you a homosexual any more than He made me a homosexual. It is the effects of sin in a fallen world that cause us to have these tendencies. Scientists have searched in vain to identify a gene that produces homosexuality. Although homosexual tendencies from early childhood can convince you that you are a female in a male body or vice versa, this is not your core identity. There is simply no evidence that homosexuality has a genetic component.
“IF I WAS NOT CREATED AS A HOMOSEXUAL, WHERE DO THESE FEELINGS COME FROM?”
You stated that you believe that you were born as a homosexual because you’ve had these feelings since you were five years old. I can explain this. Science is beginning to reveal that when a baby is growing in the womb, certain chemicals are produced that enable the baby to discern the moods of the mother and sense whether she wants him or her. At 25 weeks of gestation, the baby can even hear like a fully functioning adult. So, if you felt rejection from your mother as a baby in the womb (as I did), it is likely that this has contributed to your gay tendencies when you were so young. The same can hold true for a female baby who in the womb hears the anger of a father and continues to sense rejection from him throughout her formative years. Research has shown that the relationships and bonding that occur between a child and a father and mother are crucial to the development of the sexual identity of the child.
While Jehovah did not create you as a homosexual, Satan often uses the feelings of rejection that we experience from parents, kids at school, and/or other adult authority figures, to deceive us into distrusting the opposite sex, while deep inside we long for a bonding with it. It is a strange paradox, but in my case, at a very young age, my mother told me that I was her mistake and that I was a “BEAST” of nature. Satan took this lie that my mother said to me at 7 years old and twisted it to make me feel like something was wrong with me. I felt so much rejection from my mother who constantly beat me and even tried to kill me once, that I developed a deep animosity and distrust of all women. Yet inside me, I still held the innate desire for a mother’s love.
This distrust of women combined with a desire for female love turned sexually erratic at puberty making me feel like I was a female in a man’s body. At the same time that I was experiencing this, my father never connected with me. His lack of bonding in a normal father/son relationship created a HUGE hole inside me that I sought to fill in multiple homosexual relationships with other men. Although, I always knew deep down inside that I was a man, I felt that if I could physically become a woman, I could continue to have sex with men, the only gender that I trusted. Thankfully, something deep within me stopped me from undergoing the operation to change my gender because I knew my maleness went deeper than that.
The craving to be loved by a man was so great that I could have slept with every man on the planet and still that hole that was left from my father’s lack of love and connection would have never been filled. So the search for male love continued to go on through my lifetime with homosexual sex, drugs and alcohol. I never could get filled with the love of other males that had been denied me by my father. In a small way, homosexuality is a legitimate love need that is trying to be met in an illegitimate way through same sex.
“SHOULD I JUST LEARN TO ACCEPT MYSELF WITH MY FEELINGS THE WAY THEY ARE?”
I know that you are being told by the psychological community that your homosexual feelings are “normal” and that you just need to learn to “accept” yourself. These are all lies that Satan uses to enslaved us. When I was where you are now, I was told the same lies, but deep down inside, I always sensed that something was wrong with this advice. If being homosexual is “normal,” why did it feel so wrong and unnatural? Jehovah, Who loves us all, did not make us to hurt one another, but in homosexuality there are acts done that are very detrimental to one’s own body and can even cause death. The same goes for heterosexual relationships that are abused.
Why in fifteen years after having relations with over 100 men, did I feel so empty and unfulfilled? If homosexuality is “normal,” why did I witness such devastating physical effects that this activity was having upon my body and the bodies of many others?
We must remember that Satan is the father of all lies (John 8:44). Satan tries to get into many aspects of our lives to mess them up and then hold us captive through deceit. This was true in my own life, but I got free through the power of the Spirit of Christ when I yielded to His healing forgiveness.
“HOW CAN I GET FREE?”
My freedom came one night when I cried out to God for healing and deliverance. He brought to my memory a time when at eight years old after my mother had beaten and thrown me against a wall, I vowed to myself that I would never marry a woman or have sex with one. Even though I had blocked this vow out of my mind, it subconsciously formed the seed of my homosexual feelings as I went through puberty. Being sodomized by a male dentist and having a father who never connected or bonded with me, only exasperated my feelings of rejection that led me down that dark, hopeless path of homosexuality.
It wasn’t until He opened my eyes to the effect that my past had on me, that I really began to get free of my homosexual feelings. What really healed me was the realization of the hatred that I had carried toward my mom and the projection of her personality that I had transferred toward all women. I learned to forgive my mom and every woman who had hurt me as well as my father for not bonding with me. Once I forgave them from my heart, the feelings of homosexuality completely left me.
By accepting the forgiveness of Christ into my heart and receiving support and encouragement through a loving, Christian church, I learned that not all women are cruel and harsh like my mother was and that there truly are soft, gentle women out there who show love and affection toward their husbands. I began to be attracted to women for the first time in my life and began to look at them in a completely different way. So after 43 years of anger, resentment and homosexual feelings, I am finally free! Thank you, Jesus!
MY CHALLENGE TO YOU…
I challenge you to look into your past and see if you can relate to any of the things that I have been talking about. Search for a spirit-filled, godly pastor or Christian therapist who can help you identify the triggers in your past that may be contributing to your homosexual feelings. Open you heart to Jesus Christ and His redeeming love—the only love that can satisfy the longings of your heart. Turn to the forgiveness offered through His shed blood, and learn to let go by forgiving your past. Then, you too will become free! (See John 8:32, 36 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.)
FOR MORE INFORMATION SEE:
KEVIN’S STORY OUT OF JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES AND HOMOSEXUALITY
HOW DO JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES VIEW TRANSGENDERS, HOMOSEXUALS AND LESBIANS?
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