I was disfellowshipped. Does Jehovah God hate me?



I was disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s Witnesses. No one will talk to me at the Kingdom Hall. I am being shunned by my family and the only friends I have ever known.  I feel all alone. Does Jehovah God hate me too?”


Dear friend,

My name is Anne Marie, and I can tell you with a resounding, NO! Jehovah God does not “hate” you!  It was not He who disfellowshipped you; it was fleshly men, and they are not the same thing.  Jehovah knows what you are going through… better than anyone else.  He knows your confusion, your despair, and your pain.

I also know what you’re going through.  I too was disfellowshipped. I know what it’s like to be scared… to believe that everything you do (and THINK) is being monitored by a God who is ready to “ZAP” you at any time because YOU FAILED; and yet at the same time, knowing that it is a COMMAND that you love Him, or He will kill you!

I know what it feels like to have to work continually to convince yourself that you are “blessed” and “happy,” and to worry what is wrong with you when you know deep down inside that you are not “happy.” I know how it feels to have to always project that “happy face” and “spiritually strong” attitude so that other Jehovah’s Witnesses will not “mark” you as “bad association.”

I know what it feels like to come to a point where you are so miserable, you would rather accept the fact that Jehovah is going to kill you just so you can breathe, and maybe have some kind of “normal” life, while there’s still a little time yet to live. I know what it’s like to wish that you had never heard of “The Truth” (The Watchtower Organization) so that, even though you will die at Armageddon, at least you could be happy and have a LIFE that was YOURS, and to then feel guilty for not feeling “grateful” to be in “Jehovah’s organization.”

I know what it feels like to wonder what your problem is…why you’re not “happy” like everyone else seems to be. I know what it feels like to worry that someone will “find out” how you really feel and report you to the elders. I know what it’s like to live in fear of being disfellowshipped…just because you don’t agree on something, or maybe you fell in love with the “wrong” person. I know how it feels when you finally are disfellowshipped and every one looks at you with the “Ooohs!” and the “Aaahs!” the whispers, and the stares. I know how it feels…

But I want you to know this:  What you’re going through is not what Jehovah God intended for your life.  In fact, I truly believe that what happened to you was a blessing.  “A blessing?” you ask.  Yes! A blessing from a God who truly LOVES you!!  Did you know that Jehovah does love you? Did you know that it was not He who threw you away as if you were “spiritual garbage?” No, it was not Jehovah at all.  Let me tell you why I say this.

  • Have you ever wondered that if “the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32), why you felt so “trapped”?
  • Did you ever wonder why, when Jesus said, “take my yoke upon you for my yoke is kindly and my load is light” (Matthew 11:29-30), you felt so terribly burdened?
  • Did you ever wonder why Jesus’ promise that “you will find refreshment for your soul (Matthew 11:29),” just never really came true for you?

The reason you felt these things is because the very organization that taught us that we had to “come to them” in order to have any hope of eternal life is the same organization that lied to us.  They lied to us in that in so many scriptures, the Bible clearly shows that we are to come to Jesus in order to be right with God (John 5:39-40); we are to come to Jesus in order to “be free” (John 8:36), and we are to come to Jesus in order to “have everlasting life” (John 10:27-28).  Lastly, we are to come to Jesus because He is “the truth.” At John 14:6, Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through me.”**   Did you catch that? Jesus proclaimed to be “the Truth.”

Does anything that I have said so far frighten you?  I understand how you may be feeling!  It is because the Watchtower Organization has taught for over one hundred years that what the Bible actually teaches regarding “the Truth” is not “the truth,” and that only THEY are the ones who can properly interpret the Bible, and decide for others what is “the truth.”  In so doing, they have effectively inserted themselves between Jehovah’s Witnesses and God, but the Bible says that Jesus is our only “mediator” who stands between us and God (1 Timothy 2:5).

Why does the Watchtower Society hide this “Truth” from Jehovah’s Witnesses?  It is because they know that if any of the rank-and-file discover that they can have a relationship with Jehovah apart from the organization and that all they have to do is go to Jesus and serve Jehovah directly through the guidance of His Spirit (1 John 2:26-27), they just might leave the Watchtower.  You see, the Watchtower Organization does not have—nor has it ever had— “life” to give to anybody!  This is why Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught to be afraid of anyone who says what I have just told you.

As a Jehovah’s Witness, you have been taught not to listen to what I am saying. So, I understand how you might be feeling right now. This is because loyalty to the Watchtower Organization has been drummed into your mind.  You have been taught to equate loyalty to the Watchtower with loyalty to Jehovah God Himself. This is how the Organization holds such power over your thoughts and feelings.

Are your ready to know what Jehovah God’s plan for salvation really is?  Guess what?   Your standing in front of Jehovah God has nothing to do with your standing in front of any religion, man, or organization.  It has nothing to do with joining any religion, being loyal to an organization, or following its rules!

If you are scared, let me quote you this scripture, okay?  It is John 18:37 where Jesus says:

“…For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world, that I should bear witness to the truth. Everyone that is on the side of the truth listens to my voice.”

Did you catch that?  We’re supposed to listen to Jesus’ voice.  You don’t need to be afraid anymore, because we are only going to look at what Jesus said.

At John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way and the truth and the life…’ ” Since Jesus is “the way” to God, we do not need to follow the rules of the Watchtower to get to Jehovah. Since Jesus is “the truth,” we do not need to look anywhere else for truth. Since Jesus is “the life,” we can have “life” outside the organization.  At John 10:27-28, Jesus proclaims that His sheep listen to His voice and He gives them “everlasting life.” Since we are to go to Jesus for “everlasting life,” why go anywhere else?

At John 6:40, Jesus proclaims “this is the will of my Father, that everyone that beholds the Son and exercises faith in him should have everlasting life.”  Can you see that it is Jehovah’s will that we all attain life by believing in His son, Jesus?  Further, in John 8:12 Jesus said, “I am the light of the world.  He that follows me will by no means walk in darkness, but will possess the light of life.”  Does that sound like we need a human organization to teach us ever-changing “new light”?

At John 8:31-36, Jesus proclaims that “the truth will set YOU free… Therefore if the Son sets YOU free, YOU will be actually free.”  This is one of my favorite Scriptures.  Here Jesus so clearly says “the truth will set you free.”  You may be wondering, “Free from what?”  Jesus explains that this freedom is from the bondage of sin, for “every doer of sin is a slave of sin.”  But when you trust the Son, He sets you free to follow the Holy Spirit in your life!  You see, Jesus promised His followers that He would “send the Helper, the Holy Spirit, (and that) that One will teach you all things.” (John 14:26)  When you are not under the authority of religious men, you are free to be under the authority of God, Himself.  God’s way is that you accept His plan of salvation so that you can stand clean and bright in front of your Heavenly Father.

I struggled for many years in the Watchtower Organization, trying so hard to “prove” my love and loyalty to Jehovah.  That whole time, I was deeply unhappy.  I felt like a big fraud, and I wondered if I was just wasting what little time I had left to live, because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, how “good” I was, I was never going to be “good” enough. Even after I was finally “out” of the organization, believe it or not, I still stayed “loyal” to the organization. I continued to “witness” to others about Watchtower teachings, and to “place” Watchtower literature, because I still believed as I had been taught—that THEY were “Jehovah’s Organization.”  It took more than thirteen years, before I was ready to even begin to be open to “the truth about The Truth” —the truth about the Watchtower Organization. But more than finding out things that literally made me cry in anguish, it was finally being ready to know the truth about the real Jesus of the Bible and Jehovah God’s true plan of salvation that really changed my life!

I hope that something of what I have said peeked your interest, even if you feel you need to call me a “wicked apostate.”  It’s okay.  I really do understand.  All I care about is your right to know the truth—the REAL Truth—the one that is in God’s own Word.  And it’s all there!  And you know what?  The Truth really does “set you free”!!

With warmest Christian love,
Anne Marie







** All Scripture quotations are from the Jehovah’s Witness Bible – The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures

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